Series: Double-bind⇒reproach ⇒ self-justification
We have explored double binds from time to time. We have noted that they are almost always saturated with unequal power relations. We remarked that the best way to deal with them is to focus on the power relations; either by reversing or minimizing their asymmetries or at least by producing a narrative about them for others to see.
What we have not paid as much attention to is what happens next. Assuming that one simply indicates that a double bind is taking place or being introduced into a situation then what happens? In recent experience, the first response is surprise or outrage at being “accused” of something. This reaction leads to a reproach. How can you doubt my motives? I am doing all of this for you! You are ungrateful. You are troubled. You need to work on your anger.
With the passing of a little time, and with the distancing and cooling of passion and affect, one might well be offered a self-justification. Such an offer can verge on another double bind. Sorry you were upset, that was not my intent. I was under stress for other reasons. There are many of these responses.
This could start another series of a similar sort. The challenge then is to disrupt the series, as it gets under way; or at least before it becomes iterative. How should this be approached?